at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
