Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
