ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
