I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Come share oat with me in your robe
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
