come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
