From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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