You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
