Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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