We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
