she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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