She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
