did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize