Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
