so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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