last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
