Already got asked if we're dating
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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