I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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