At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
