I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
