guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
