If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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