i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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