so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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