I got chris browned last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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