I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
