My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
