? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
