I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
