The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
