I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
