So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize