i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize