Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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