Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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