his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
