I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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