Can i not drive my cunt home
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
