Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
