Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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