I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
