I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
