I hate all girls vehemently.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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