I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
