I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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