I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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