you win again, gameday.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
