Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
