you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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