Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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