i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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