is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
