I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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