What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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