We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
