The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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