I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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