We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
