yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
