Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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