That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
