youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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