I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
