you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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