wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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