Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
