if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
