just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
