I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
