Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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