new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
